And then there was pain...

Hellooo...
For those who were disillisioned by the last post (that includes me, btw)... closure means closure. Closure does not mean No Pain.

Ok... I know this blog has become total mush. I'm not a complete mush person but bear with me for maybe 2 more posts... and then we'll start talking about Real Serious Topics. Until then... Ye Romantics, have a field day...

After I spoke to him, he was due to leave the country for career advancement ( a.k.a. looking for another job :).

I think the flight was at 9:00 pm. I don't know because I couldn't speak to him. It's a funny feeling. To know he's leaving... left... and not be able to say bye. I'd been trying to reach him since Saturday. And he was supposed to leave on Thursday. I dont know if they have Caller ID. I hope to God they don't. Because if they do - either he saw my number and didn't pick it up. Or they'll see how one person can call so many times in so many days. Either way - it's bad news for me.

And then the irony? I get through at 3:00 pm after he's left. I mean, whoever said movies aren't made from real life?

I'm happy too because of other things that have happened in my life. And also so sad I don't know what to do , cos he's left. Can you be sad and happy at the same time for different reasons? I guess not. One of the reasons will have to overpower the other. Am I sadder or happier? I think, now, I'm sadder than happier.

Man, you're really asking for it when you start loving a guy. Really asking for it.
Asking for pain. Rejection. Hurt. Happiness. Comfort. And finally getting pretty much nothing. Except that all you want to do is ask a little better. Maybe plead, maybe beg. Because at the end of it, you still just love the guy.

"Bye, A.M. You're leaving the city. The country. The continent. Please don't walk out of my life. Be whoever you want to be in my life. A friend. An acquaintance. A lover. A hope. Just don't not be there.

Bye, my A.M. I've been missing you. I'm just going to miss you a whole lot more. Bye. "

And so, in the final analysis, while you've accepted it in your head, the trickle down effect to the heart? mind? (wherever all this happens), takes some time. And until then... there's just pain.

So, while we're getting there... we're not there yet. I'm still dreaming about "Hello... you complete me" Tom Cruise etc etc... "You had me at Hello..." Renee Zellweger...etc etc...

You know. Mush (Sob).